Miss you bad beautiful Momma

Oh how I miss you. We were both so young when you passed. I was 8 and you were only 29. My life changed forever that day. I don't worry about what it would have been, I have gratitude for what it is. I'm certain that there was an agreement. You would leave this life and your babies at such a tender age and your role as mother would become that of guardian angel. Thank you Mom for giving me life and love. I visited you today, I brought my babies. We found a beautiful feather, and put beautiful stones on your stone. I had a dream about you. You showed me where you are, It is a place more beautiful than words can describe. Thank you for the gifts you have given me. I thank you for the gift of art and creativity, i have such gratitude for the art of expression. I took the crystals from your wedding veil and made a necklace for Tami and I. It's always on my neck. Thank you for the gift of laughter and joy. Thank you for the gift of thrift and resourcefulness. {I still go to garage sales} Thank you for the gift of a deep and thoughtful mind. Thank you, thank you, thank you. It's the humanness that I miss. The touch, the talk, seeing, hearing, feeling, crying, laughing, sharing, caring. I know that you are always around, to protect from where you are. I know that you look out for your babies. I know that you help me. Thank you Mom. I love you, I honor you, I miss you. I am so proud to be your daughter.

Miss you bad beautiful Momma.

Tresa

I'm a Crab

Aren't cardboard boxes the best? They provide a creative outlet with hours of endless fun. Remember the cardboard houses, forts, hideaways? Every mother has made the comment at least once, "Why buy toy's? they got more enjoyment out of the box" Connor made great use of this one...."MOM Im a Crab." I say "Cheap halloween costume" Do you think trick or treating in this get -up is practical??? Probably not.

First Day of school for the Martindales

This is what the first day of school looked like for us. Sydnie and Connor in their matching uniforms. Connor really went to school with that faux hawk hair doo.  And Ashlee is so cute in her college apartment. Whew... we made it. 

"Are you my mother?"

If I didn't know better, I would swear that there is a DNA strand that connects this beautiful owl, my husband and daughter! They are nocturnal creatures who have our whole house waking to the moon and sleeping with the sun! The first weeks of school have shattered us all. Waking at the crack of shmack has us all walking in a daze. We were at our Condo this summer and enjoyed a wild life demonstration given by the Hogle Zoo.  The Owl stole the show. What a beauty.

Sweet Freedom

My oldest baby is off to college, that freshman year stirs up the same anxiety as the first day of elementary school. My youngest baby is starting first grade. Me??? Well you see I'm conflicted. I'm overjoyed realizing that this will be the first time in 18 years that all of my children will be in school all day!! I'm sad that they are growing up, I'm excited for the freedom that growing up offers. It will be a stunner trying to wake up my nocturnal 6 year old. I don't think this child has been roused at 7am in her entire life. "CRAP"

"Back to school shopping" was far from typical. Ashlee is moving into an apartment at UVU. So it was bedding, decorations, kitchen crapola, Bathroom stuff, laptop,tuition,...........It's not the babies that cost alot of money, the BIGGER they get, the SMALLER your savings!! At the end of the day, I am full of gratitude to be supporting these strong children as they grow, and learn and choose to be a contribution to the world. I am grateful that we are helping to "fund" their success. Ashlee, you go out there fearless, know that you are always supported, and you can do and become whatever your heart desires. What a gift......Sweet Freedom.

More from the Graduation.....

Thoughts from my 9 year old....

Sunday night, sitting on the bed, Connor came into my room kind of somber and this is what came out of his mouth (nearly word for word) my son is a very deep thinker, an old soul.....

Mom I was just thinking, about how I have all these nice things, nice parents and good friends, and the animals that live on earth that I think that are cool. I think about how the pioneers settled the land for us and how all the army men are out there risking their lives so that we can be free. (tears streaming down his face) Our earth is so nice. I don't like construction guys who build 5 star hotels and ruin the habitat of the animals. I think about these things all of the time. Im happy that Thomas Edison made the lightbulb so that Im not afraid of the dark. Mom where are our ancestors from? I said England and Denmark, and Scotland. Do we have any Native americans in our family? "no i reply". So then Im not american? Well you were born in America so you are American. "but my heritage isn't". (Deep thoughts) His sweet thoughts had Ashlee and I in tears. Such big things to be thinking about at 9 years old. Im touched by his gratitude and realize that he is paying attention to big issues.

Im not sure if its a Martindale thing or if others say "Oh I have to wake up at the butt crack of dawn." Connor said recently, "Mom we shouldn't say that anymore." "Why?" "Well, grandpa Martindale's name is Don and when you say "the butt crack of dawn" people will think we are talking about his butt crack. Haaa. his brain is a curious thing.

THE GOWN

I will never forget the day....July 8 1991. My belly was bursting, I thought she would never come out. Was it possible to be pregnant forever? Once she arrived I thought she would never grow up, at least not all of the way.  But the minutes turn into hours, then days, months, years, and one day......They come home with a shiny square cardboard hat carefully covered in the school spirit colors and a gown to match.  I brought her home from the hospital in a gown, a sweet little layette in cotton candy pink pastel. I loved her little gowns, she wore them almost everyday. They look like infants longer in the layette gowns.. As I was ironing the polyester grey gown of graduation, I couldn't comprehend how 18 years had slipped through my fingers. 

When a baby is born, they cut the cord because the baby no longer needs the blood supply of the mother. But there is an invisible cord that takes it's place, You can't see it or touch it, but every mother knows it's there. I know that It's time to set her free, but this kind of cord cutting hurts much worse than the labor pains. There is also the extreme joy that is so much like the joy you feel when you meet them for the first time. Once a mother, always a mother, and then a grandmother and if you are graced with a lot of good years, then you will pose for the 4 generation photo as great grandmother. Ashlee, congratulations! As the good book (dr. seuss) say's, you have brains in your head and feet in your shoes, you can go any direction you choose!!

Whatever the path, I will always be here with my not to be humble opinions, and love that will span the circular time of past, present and future!! You make me proud Smashlee!! 

Wheheww!!! class of 2009....We both made it. (My twitches have almost stopped)

P.S. we never grow up all the way! That's what makes life so sweet.

Kid Trapped

I've spent the last 18 years "Kid trapped"  {good excuse anyway}. We had Ashlee and Ian, and then an 8 year gap when connor joined us, three years after that Sydnie made our crew complete. But you see, when they are all so spread out, there is always a baby. UNTIL NOW!! 

We went for a weekend at our Solitude Condo, and like a bad habit, I waffled about skiing. Im way to old, never really tried, don't have the gear, blah blah blah...

John went down to our storage lockers to get Ashlee's snowboard and other bits and pieces, but returned with a deal breaker. He handed me a single ski boot and told me to try it on. {??} K..

"how does it feel?" I said "I think it fits, what am I to do with it?? He said "Get dressed love, you are skiing today!" Hmmm?? What?? He said that there was a sign in the locker room.."Free skii's and boots to a good home." My heart was racing, Crap, how do I get out of this?? I was so scared.  I was scared that the "free skii's"  would be ugly, rusted out, fashion Don'ts!! But also scared that my orphaned skiis would carry me to a certain cold icy death.  Did I ever mention how much I hate being cold?? When I get cold, my appendages literally go numb. My bones feel like frozen Ice spears, and It takes major effort to warm up!! But my heart warmed when I met my new free skii's. They were actually kind of cute. Turquoise blue with yellow bits, I felt like they looked good with my hodge podge ski outfit!! The universe aligned that day, it was with great trepidation that I strapped on these "kind of cute" death sticks to my robot feet. I was hand in hand with my 6 year old sydnie scootching along in the snow arriving at the bunny hill ski lift. I asked the lift operator to please stop the chair, I just knew it would catapult me into outerspace. We made it up just fine. Stopped the lift again at the top to dismount and then with great courage, and my 6 year old by my side, we began our decent down the bunny hill. {it felt like a black diamond to me just so ya know} and then.....the magic. I managed to stay upright, took to the "pizza and french fry concept" and felt the wind in my face. I was instantly addicted. What fun, pure joy, and then it hit me... What the Crap!!! how many years have I waisted staying in the condo or lodge, or home for that matter. It was an awakening that could only come as I near 40. After 3 runs on the bunny hill, I needed more. We braved the moonbeam run, much steeper and faster and funner!! And yes... I am still kid trapped, will be for years to come, difference. Traded in changing diapers for skiis, and the kids make great companions on the hill.  I need to work out my ski outfit. In this picture, I feel like the kid in the "Christmas story". I borrowed Ian's goggles. They were way to big. They kind of pinched my nose closed. Thank goodness we have a mouth for a back up plan {or I would have suffocated}. I had so much fun, I took Syd and Connor up the next weekend by myself. Yes people It's true, I loved it that much!! My 40's will rock!! Yay!!

The prize at the end of the hike

Zions Canyon

This view is only 4 hours away from our house. 
How old do you think this tree stump is?? very cool...
Check out the ginourmous marshmallows. Ewww. barely edible. 

Underground lava caves

We spent our easter holiday in St. George.  As I quickly approach 40, I find myself becoming more adventurous and curious.  My goals for this year include exploring nature, get off the park bench or out of the car and use my legs to take me places I've never been. We went to the lava flow outlook in snow canyon. Word on the street was that this lava flow area was hiding large underground caves and tunnels. Armed with a flashlight and crappy shoes we ventured out. The opening in the second photo descends about 20 feet down and then opens up into a giant cave inside the belly of the earth. Without a flashlight, it is total darkness. The picture of me illustrates how dark it really is. (this would be an excellent backdrop for a photographer) The third picture almost looks like a holy sight. The sunlight from above illuminated this lava rock. Im so glad I had my camera. This was a most excellent adventure. One of many on our trip. 

Lola the other sister

I've never been much of a dog lover. As a kid growing up in a small farming town, a dog was an out door creature. When the dog became annoying or what ever... it went for a "drive".  I know!  It's sad, but I learned not to bond. It was wilbur without charlotte to save the day. It was a random day, the kids had been begging for a dog. I said NO NEVER AGAIN!! They poop and barf in the house, they are just plain gross. Farting, peeing, not my style...I was looking out the kitchen window and saw the tallest man with a leash in his hand walking the smallest little dog. I laughed out loud. The most mismatched dog owner and dog I had ever seen. I ran out of the house to ask about this curious sight. The man introduced me to his little yorkie friend and told me how great they are. Poop is small, pee too. Barfing...not so much...small. Hair not fur, they don't get ugly when they grow up. Small....3 weeks later, I loaded the kids in the car and found myself driving far away about an hour or so to find an address in the paper that said "Female Yorkie" Small......And that's when "The other sister" joined our crew.  When some one ask's the kids how many are in your family, they always include Lola as their sister. She really is almost human. She talks in her funny dogish way, she is full grown and Small.....Cute and a true joy.  

Photos from London and Paris.

Behind on the blogging. But really this is more of a family record of events so I guess an out of order posting isn't such a big deal right?? My photo gallery from the Charger vs Saints at Wembley stadium and my trip to Paris.